The Beginning of Greatness

I remember a couple Januarys ago, I experienced a few weeks of daily spiritual impressions of gratitude for my body, specifically, my ability to walk. It was weird, but several times a day I would be walking up a flight of stairs or going on early morning runs on icy sidewalks and the vision of me falling and twisting an ankle would flash through my mind. I would always immediately say a prayer of gratitude for that fact that my body was healthy and unharmed and as the week wore on I carried around with me a sense of underlying wonder for the body and it's ability to walk and move with such ease. I distinctly remember thinking, "I'm so glad I'm remembering to be grateful because now I won't need a hard lesson to teach me to be grateful."

Apparently I had a different hard lesson to learn. At the end of the month, I sprained my ankle in a wicked game of Twister when five guys fell on top of me. I was confused. Gratitude was supposed to be a magical protection and save you from experiences that force you to be grateful of things you always take for granted. It wasn't fair, I had been willingly, abundantly, and articulately grateful for my ability to walk - that was supposed to protect me from losing it.

I guess what I needed to learn was that gratitude is more a way of living, more a foundation for goodness than it is anything else. I thought about the weeks leading up to my injury and how my gratitude helped me build faith in God for making such miraculous creations. It also helped increase my hope in the resurrection and the ability for my body and spirit to become like God. Gratitude also led me to deepen my feelings of charity in surprising ways. I was more aware of opportunities for service - having more empathy and understanding. And because I was so focused on being grateful for my own body, I was even less envious of those who might have much more reasons to be grateful for their much better looking bodies. President Faust said, "Gratitude is the beginning of greatness." I really believe that if we can cultivate gratitude, we will find a stronger power to develop all other qualities God wants us to have.

Here is my gratitude list, or I guess the things that bring any sort of greatness into my life:

1. My family:

A-Dad

B-Mom

C-Kimmi

D-Ben

E-Lizzi

F-Kate

G-Toph

H-Baby Soapie

I-Al

J-Morgan (Big)

K-Gracie

J-Jackpot

L-Nutmeg

M-KellBell

N-BobbyLuanda

O-Liz

P-Belle

Q-SarahSubaru

R-Ria

S-Smoodycakes

2. Prayer

3. The Atonement

4. Good friends

5. Learning

6. Goals

7. Laughter

And just because I'm not always comfortable with sappy general gratitude lists, I'm going to add that I'm grateful for:

8. Old ladies at my work that tell me in angry German accents that we must keep zee animals out and only have zee humans inside, oddervise there will be da fleas.

9. Little girls at my work that tell me I am a princess.

10. Debates about whether the Duggars should keep having more children.

11. The food network

12. Mango pie

13. Good books

A. Dr. Seuss

B. Shakespeare

C. Elizabeth Goudge

D. Robert Farrell Smith

14. Carebear checks

15. The Pughs

A. Will Shortz

16.Walkie Talkies

17. The BYU Travel Office

18. Fin-tipped gel pens

D&C 78:19

"Do you need more water?"

I have an iron bladder. I used to think this was a good thing. Especially when on road trips, during 8 hour flights, or at girls' camp. I remember going on a road trip with my friend's family once, and after the third or fourth pit stop with the family shuffling into gas stations while I waited in the car, my friend's mom asked in exasperation, "Don't you EVER have to go?" That's when I knew I was different.

Friday afternoon, I was blessed with another opportunity to be reminded of my unique bladder retention skills. I have accepted a job as an activities director at an assisted-living center and they called me in on Friday to "fill out a survey." After answering a fifty question survey about whether or not I've ever come into work strung out on meth, whether or not I've ever used violence to solve anger issues with coworkers, or whether or not I've stolen thousands of dollars from previous employers, I thought my work was done.

"Go ahead and have a seat," said the paperwork lady, "our nurse will be out with you in just a moment."

Uh oh. I hope this isn't what I think it is.

It was. The nurse takes me to the bathroom, hands me the cup and says "I just need it up to this line."

Are you serious? Can people really just pee on command like that? When I know I need to take a drug test, I have to drink gallons of water at least three hours before the test. They should have warned me, now we were all in trouble. I think both the nurse and I were slightly amused when I said, "I think I'm going to need some water."

She wasn't so amused when twenty minutes and twenty glasses of water later my bladder was still showing off its toughness. I sat out in the lobby with a glass of water (right next to the drinking fountain for easy refill access) and tried to relax. Employees began to give me curious looks, wondering what a young girl was doing hanging out in the lobby of a rest home. One resident with mild dementia sat in the armchair next to me and made polite conversation. After awhile, even she started getting curious: "Is that water good? You sure seem to like it...you must be thirsty..."

Forty-five minutes and forty glasses of water later, the employees had gone from curiosity to amusement to pity. I received the following advise and support from extremely helpful strangers:

"Just get in there and say 'I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.' "

"Do you need a magazine?"

"Gosh, I guess it's not as easy as it seems."

"Just relax, try not to think about it."

and my favorite: "Do you need more water?"

Some nurses would pass by me, go into the back office and ask "What's going on out there? Does she need help?" which was always followed by whispers and then uproarious laughter.

The maintenance man began to look at his watch every time he passed me. I think he was trying to clock me to see if I was going to hold out for a record.

My future boss had passed by me earlier and was excited to introduce me to someone from corporate that was visiting that day. Half an hour later when they passed me again, she avoided eye contact with me and tried to block me from the view of the corporate lady. I think she didn't want to be known as the crazy lady who hired a girl who liked to hang out in rest homes and drink water.

An hour and a half and a gallon of water later, we had success. Which was a good thing too because if I had to drink one more glass of water, I'm pretty sure it would have exited my body at the wrong end. And if there's anything worse than being known as "the girl who couldn't pee in a cup" it would be being known as "the girl who couldn't hold her water."

2009: Year of Love and Miracles

Just so everyone knows, prayer works.  And there are love and miracles everywhere.  Look out.

I love New Years' resolutions.  It's true.  I'm not ashamed to say it.  It's hard for me to understand why they get such a bad rap, I literally cringe every time I hear people complain or criticize about resolutions.  It just makes me think that those people have not yet discovered the true beauty of New Years' resolutions because they focus on ones like losing weight or saving money or anything that they don't want to do but feel they should.  I am a firm believer that resolutions should always be things you desperately want to do.  They can be easy, they can be hard, they can be funny, they can even be losing weight - but they always have to come from wanting, not from should-ing.

For example, I desperately want to read the entire dictionary in the year 2009.  So far, it's been awesome (adj. 1. inspiring awe: an awesome sight. 2. characterized by awe. -awe'some-ly, adv. -awe'some-ness, n.)  Have you ever read the definition for the word "a"?  It's incredible.  In the Random House Dictionary of the English Language(college edition) there are 19 separate entries for the word "a" with 56 separate definitions within those entries!  It can be a noun and an article and a preposition and a symbol and a couple other things I don't really understand.  Do you know that "a" can mean both "one" and "every"?  And it can mean something different in physics, the metric system, chemistry, Old English, music, and that's just the beginning.  Say it twice and it's a basaltic lava (or you might be redirected to Alcoholics Anonymous, take your pick).  Reading this one definition threw my mind into all sorts of analogies and possibilities for future sacrament talks, pep talks, and yes, blog posts.  If I had known that this one little word carried so much power behind it, I would have been treating it with more respect all these years.  I can't wait to read the definition for "the".

You might be thinking that anyone who can get this excited about reading the dictionary needs to look up the word "psychopath" and take it to heart.  I, however, am feeling a deep satisfaction from knowing that I might be one of only a handful of people on earth to have ever taken the time to read the definition for "a" and actually learned something from it.  And you know what?  It feels great.  Which is why I love New Years' resolutions.  Could I have just as happy of a life without reading the dictionary?  Yes.  Would I want to live my life without reading the dictionary?  Not now.  That, my friend, is the power of a good resolution.