Vroom Vroom

Before there was Chitty Chitty Ben Ben, before there was Hawaii, there was Nascar.

We went to a Nascar race at the Richmond International Raceway way back at the end of April, but I'm still blogging about it because I'm still a little hard of hearing from the effects the race had on me.

We decided to make a full White-Trash-Weekend out of it.  We practiced driving like race car drivers for weeks.

We wore our best stereotypical white trash outfits.  (I think the girls were a little bit more in character than the boys, just sayin.)  I even wore my race car shoes!

We ate bologna and cheeseballs.

And for those of you who think we were being unfairly stereotypical, when we pulled out our bologna sandwiches, the nice gentleman with the handlebar mustache behind us almost cried he was so excited!  "Are you guys eating bologna sandwiches!  I love those!  They are my favorite!"  Plus, I saw 17 other people in our area with a giant container of cheeseballs, I counted.  So we weren't stereotyping, we were fitting in with our people.

We played a game looking for the fan that most represented what Nascar fans are all about.  Here are just a few.

Mr. Fitted Grey Polo and Khakis got the anti-fan award.  Seriously, is he lost?

They had a wonderful patriotic filled program and then they had the parade of drivers.  I was personally voting for Juan Pablo Montoya, I had a gut feeling he was going to win.  I chose him before we even got to Nascar, wrote his name on my shirt, and had a Montoya chant prepared.

Montoya is #42, the Target sponsored car, a little Lightning McQueenesque.  

Alex would be so proud I chose the Target car instinctively.

Once all the "I Love the USA" fanfare was over and the last driver had circled the raceway and our earplugs were tightly snug in our ears, the race began.

Gentlemen, start your engines. 

Kelly was done on lap 3.  Myles was done by lap 7.

At lap 55, Jayci and I were still going strong, especially since Montoya was off to a strong start, maintaining the lead!  

(I was shocked that without doing any research and knowing absolutely nothing about Nascar, I had picked the winner.)

The entertaining drunk fans were going strong too.  They were completely wasted, obviously following the continuing admonition of the raceway: drink responsibly.

The fans right in front of us wore fancy equipment that was like listening to the radio play by play and watching everything on the small handheld screen.

Around lap 100, a very impolite car tapped my Montoya which sent him jerking into the wall.  He had to over correct himself and he lost the lead, eventually slipping into 35th place, never to regain the lead.

A hundred or so laps later, Montoya sought revenge and caused this to happen to the car that bumped him (My name is Juan Pablo Montoya, you bumped me into the wall, prepare to crash):

Oh, Montoya.  I sure know how to pick 'em.

By lap 220, we were finding different ways to make the race more exciting, like going down right by the track and feeling the wind and the heat and the power of the race cars as they whizzed by in a blur.

By lap 250, we were all ready to call it a day.

Everyone except this guy. 

For Kyle, it was like every lap was the first lap.

I think he would still be at the raceway today if he didn't have to drive us all home.

Speaking of the drive home, the traffic nearly killed some of us.  It was kind of ironic to spend the last 4 hours watching a race and then be in a car and not moving for the next 3 hours.

But at least we were able to spend those hours together, remembering all the good times we'd just shared, yelling out fond memories as we tried to regain our hearing.

SHAM-rock

Do you remember this guy? 

(The shamrocks, not our butter holder which has often times been refered to as the "butter sepulchre.")

Do you remember how it used to be all lush and green and vibrant and St. Patrick-y?

Well, look a little closer.  Death lurks on every leaf.

From the day I bought this plant, the leaves have been slowly turning from green to bright yellow to a limp, dead brown.  But the thing about this plant, is that it doesn't just die altogether, it has decided to die leaf by dead leaf by dead Irish leaf.  Like some terrifying horror movie where the beloved characters get plucked one by one.

I've tried everything I know.  I moved it to better light, I give it the exact amount of water all my sources say to give it.  I speak to it in an Irish lilt, call it Irish pet names, hold up pictures of Ireland in case it's homesick, and at night I sing it Irish lullabies.

 

Then, the other day, I saw this.

Well, son-of-a-Canadian-gun, I've been duped.

Chitty Chitty Ben Ben - The Movie

Starring Ben Woodruff and his pizza box.

Welcome to DC, where everything is free!!!

Since Ben loves us more than anyone else in the family, he came out to visit us.  

He might have spent some time at a math conference while he was here, but the point is, he could have found a math conference anywhere, and he chose DC, because he loves us.  

And because it's where, apparently, everything is free.  Free rides to and from the airport, free dinners, free hotels, free math knowledge, free DC tours, free monuments, free museums, free entertainment....it's all FREE!!!

Ben's free weekend began with showing us his schedule and when he would have free time for us.

We dropped him off at his fancy, free hotel at 2 am and we witnessed this for the first time.

Which reminded us of this:

Later that weekend, Chitty Chitty Ben Ben  got the fully loaded free tour of our nation's capitol.

He saw the Washington.

He saw the capitol.

And we walked through a swamp so that he could see the White House.

This is what happened to Kelly in the swamp.  There were tears shed.  

Because Ben was more excited to see the White House than anything else (we never discovered exactly why), we decided to see it from both views.  We always go the extra mile as tour guides.

Woodruff for President 2012

We ate at a quaint Italian place at the Reagan Center for "free."  Don't worry, Kim, it was vegan.

One of the many great things about Ben, is that he is blissfully obedient.  If you say "Hey Ben, can you go lean against that wall with your arms folded for a photo shoot?" he does it immediately without question.

When it got dark, we visited my ALL-TIME favorite place on the mall - the World War II Monument.

You walk along granite pillars that represent all the states and territories that dedicated themselves to the cause of winning the war.  There is a laurel wreath hanging on each pillar, and as you walk up the ramp you find yourself crowned with each state - like you were part of the war, the service, the victory.

We each took a picture by the state we are most in love with.

This is what we got when we asked a non-English speaking tourist to take our picture.

This is what we get when we ask an English-speaking tourist to take our picture.

This is Ben with his "Everything is Free!" face.

"Hey Ben, will you dance between the pillars of the Lincoln Monument so that we can video your shadow dance?"

Korean Monument.  You can barely tell which one is the statue and which one is Ben.

Ben next to his favorite thing about DC, the crosswalks that give you 64 second countdowns to cross a street that takes 3 seconds.

Ben had mentioned several times how cool it would be to touch the Washington Monument.  So he did.  Because he's cool.

And he's brave.  Look at all those bugs!

DC rebels jumping off the path.

DC rebels hopping fences.

This boy was a tired little math baby after a full night of free DC tours.

The next day, we took Ben to our most favorite place in the DC area: the Amish market.

Ben loved the Lincoln statue pose, it was hard to get him to do any other pose for pictures.

We brought our Amish market goods home to eat so that Ben could see where we lived.  We feasted on stuffed pretzels, a cream cheese pumpkin roll, and orange lemonade.  Don't worry, Kim, it was all vegan.

Then we had a dance party.

Then we sang our way to the airport where Ben tried to squeeze all his DC memories into his luggage.

Then we said good-bye and cried a little.

And our little water boy flew back to the Burg.

I hope there's one thing we've all learned from this post: you too can have a wonderful, free time in DC.  Please come visit.  And please hurry. 

And if that's not convincing enough, you can also have your own trailer, with an accompanying movie (opening day: June 26th)