Out of all the crimes you could commit...

kidnapping is the one I relate to the most.

I want them.  All of them.  All of the time.

I also want to kidnap my mother's babies.  All of them.  All of the time.

I mean, look at them.  Can a person really be expected to live apart from them for so long? 

 No jury could possibly convict me.



The Fine Line

Sometimes I like to live my life on the fine line between confidence and denial.  Some days I wake up and think, "Today, all my lights will be green.  Today, there will be no lines at the grocery store.  Today, every cute boy I meet will ask for my number.  Today, I can eat anything I want and it will have absolutely no effect on my figure whatsoever.  Today all my dreams will come true, just like every other day."  It's really not such a bad attitude for your life.

The other night I dropped my phone on the pavement.  I had been living my usual life philosophy: Today, my phone will never break no matter how many times I drop it on the hard, cold, unforgiving pavement.  The hundred times before that night, my philosophy was right.  Now my screen is cracked.  A far cry from a broken phone.  A very far cry from even a smashed unusuable screen.  In fact, it's more like a faint pen scratch, or a stray hair that will never blow off.  Regardless, I find it annoying.  Probably because every time I look at this particular fine line on my phone I am reminded of the fine line I choose to live by, and how sometimes it's hard to deny certain things.

If I'm driving home and I hit every light red but one, my denial kicks in and I think "I knew it, I knew I would get green lights today."  If a stream of gentlemen suitors are not begging for my attention but an old guy on the metro gives up his seat for me, I think "I knew it, I knew the men all loved me."  If my food turns out to have calories but I happen to look in the mirror, I think "I knew it, I knew that with just a couple more pounds I would be a stunning individual."

But I can't wipe/deny away this dang crack on my phone.  So I've come up with a plan.  I'm going to tell myself that every phone comes with a fine hairline crack.  That it's not only natural, but sought after.  I knew it, I knew I was cool enough to get one of those fine line phones.  I just knew all my dreams would come true today, just like every other day.  There, everything is back to normal.

What have I been eating?

I don't know where all these weird dreams are coming from, but the other night I dreamt I was transported back in time with a specialized group to save the world.  We went back to a Renaissance time where people coexisted with dinosaurs.  I even got to ride a pterodactyl.  While wearing a velvet maroon princess dress.  While saving the world.  I am very talented in my dreams.   

Well, when we were done saving the earth, we ran into some uncomfortable predicaments.  Our time traveling device broke and we were stuck there.  That is not what made me uncomfortable.  What made me uncomfortable was that a boy from our group, who looked very similar to Justin Beiber, kept trying to kiss me.  I kept trying to tell him that I wasn't attracted to baby faces, but he was persistent.  Luckily, he discovered I had bad breathe and he stopped.  I was so happy, I decided not to brush my teeth until we arrived safely back to our time period. 

The dream ended with me riding my friendly pterodactyl through the skies, my hands stretched out to touch the clouds, laughing at the wind - and catching a whiff of my own foul breath blown back into my face.  I woke up choking on the imaginary stench.  I brushed my teeth immediately, but as a caution, avoided all Justin Beiber look-a-likes throughout the day.

Me and Peyton

Last night I had a dream that Peyton Manning and I played cards.  I suggested the game, Frustration, he suggested that I was going to get my trash kicked.  I said, "Eat my dust," and then he did.  It was kind of embarassing for him, poor guy.

Thursday Morning Inspiration

Reach for Your Dreams

Eleven

Something is in the air, do you smell it?  It's 2011.  And it smells good.

Personally, I felt like 2010 left this world like a punk teenager who had kicked you in the shins and taken all your money.  But what can you do?  It's only a teenager.  And you know what?  It's not its fault really, I tried to force 2010 to take on adult responsibilities when it was obviously not ready.  It was the year of "Financial Stability and Responsibility."  That is the last time I will ever agree to such a boring and unmagical theme for a year.

I discovered a long time ago that if I set 2 or 3 goals, I will fail 2 or 3 goals. However, if I set over 20 goals, I will accomplish 2 or 3 goals! In 2010, I set responsible and stable goals: I read the Book of Mormon by May 9th, I went to the temple every month, and I visit taught every month. I also bought a fancy camera and somewhat learned how to use the video program on my Mac. Sadly, I did not buy an investment, go to the Redwood Forest, or stop procrastinating (I'll tell you more about that one tomorrow). I also did not do the 13 other goals on my list. But 5 out of 21 ain't bad!

I can already tell 2011 is going to be different.  I thought at first it was just me, since I generally tend to feel this excited with every new year.  I can't help myself - it's the season of resolutions/goals/dreams/possibilities and I love it (almost more than Christmas(please no judgement)).  As I've discussed the new year with others, I've discovered that I'm not the only one who feels that 2011 is going to be out-of-this-world amazing.  So obviously, it will be.  It's the year we will let nothing stop us.

So here's to magical 2011!  May it be filled with bagpipes, hot air balloons, tropical sunsets, and success around every corner.