Out of all the crimes you could commit...

kidnapping is the one I relate to the most.

I want them.  All of them.  All of the time.

I also want to kidnap my mother's babies.  All of them.  All of the time.

I mean, look at them.  Can a person really be expected to live apart from them for so long? 

 No jury could possibly convict me.



The Fine Line

Sometimes I like to live my life on the fine line between confidence and denial.  Some days I wake up and think, "Today, all my lights will be green.  Today, there will be no lines at the grocery store.  Today, every cute boy I meet will ask for my number.  Today, I can eat anything I want and it will have absolutely no effect on my figure whatsoever.  Today all my dreams will come true, just like every other day."  It's really not such a bad attitude for your life.

The other night I dropped my phone on the pavement.  I had been living my usual life philosophy: Today, my phone will never break no matter how many times I drop it on the hard, cold, unforgiving pavement.  The hundred times before that night, my philosophy was right.  Now my screen is cracked.  A far cry from a broken phone.  A very far cry from even a smashed unusuable screen.  In fact, it's more like a faint pen scratch, or a stray hair that will never blow off.  Regardless, I find it annoying.  Probably because every time I look at this particular fine line on my phone I am reminded of the fine line I choose to live by, and how sometimes it's hard to deny certain things.

If I'm driving home and I hit every light red but one, my denial kicks in and I think "I knew it, I knew I would get green lights today."  If a stream of gentlemen suitors are not begging for my attention but an old guy on the metro gives up his seat for me, I think "I knew it, I knew the men all loved me."  If my food turns out to have calories but I happen to look in the mirror, I think "I knew it, I knew that with just a couple more pounds I would be a stunning individual."

But I can't wipe/deny away this dang crack on my phone.  So I've come up with a plan.  I'm going to tell myself that every phone comes with a fine hairline crack.  That it's not only natural, but sought after.  I knew it, I knew I was cool enough to get one of those fine line phones.  I just knew all my dreams would come true today, just like every other day.  There, everything is back to normal.

What have I been eating?

I don't know where all these weird dreams are coming from, but the other night I dreamt I was transported back in time with a specialized group to save the world.  We went back to a Renaissance time where people coexisted with dinosaurs.  I even got to ride a pterodactyl.  While wearing a velvet maroon princess dress.  While saving the world.  I am very talented in my dreams.   

Well, when we were done saving the earth, we ran into some uncomfortable predicaments.  Our time traveling device broke and we were stuck there.  That is not what made me uncomfortable.  What made me uncomfortable was that a boy from our group, who looked very similar to Justin Beiber, kept trying to kiss me.  I kept trying to tell him that I wasn't attracted to baby faces, but he was persistent.  Luckily, he discovered I had bad breathe and he stopped.  I was so happy, I decided not to brush my teeth until we arrived safely back to our time period. 

The dream ended with me riding my friendly pterodactyl through the skies, my hands stretched out to touch the clouds, laughing at the wind - and catching a whiff of my own foul breath blown back into my face.  I woke up choking on the imaginary stench.  I brushed my teeth immediately, but as a caution, avoided all Justin Beiber look-a-likes throughout the day.

Me and Peyton

Last night I had a dream that Peyton Manning and I played cards.  I suggested the game, Frustration, he suggested that I was going to get my trash kicked.  I said, "Eat my dust," and then he did.  It was kind of embarassing for him, poor guy.

Thursday Morning Inspiration

Reach for Your Dreams

Eleven

Something is in the air, do you smell it?  It's 2011.  And it smells good.

Personally, I felt like 2010 left this world like a punk teenager who had kicked you in the shins and taken all your money.  But what can you do?  It's only a teenager.  And you know what?  It's not its fault really, I tried to force 2010 to take on adult responsibilities when it was obviously not ready.  It was the year of "Financial Stability and Responsibility."  That is the last time I will ever agree to such a boring and unmagical theme for a year.

I discovered a long time ago that if I set 2 or 3 goals, I will fail 2 or 3 goals. However, if I set over 20 goals, I will accomplish 2 or 3 goals! In 2010, I set responsible and stable goals: I read the Book of Mormon by May 9th, I went to the temple every month, and I visit taught every month. I also bought a fancy camera and somewhat learned how to use the video program on my Mac. Sadly, I did not buy an investment, go to the Redwood Forest, or stop procrastinating (I'll tell you more about that one tomorrow). I also did not do the 13 other goals on my list. But 5 out of 21 ain't bad!

I can already tell 2011 is going to be different.  I thought at first it was just me, since I generally tend to feel this excited with every new year.  I can't help myself - it's the season of resolutions/goals/dreams/possibilities and I love it (almost more than Christmas(please no judgement)).  As I've discussed the new year with others, I've discovered that I'm not the only one who feels that 2011 is going to be out-of-this-world amazing.  So obviously, it will be.  It's the year we will let nothing stop us.

So here's to magical 2011!  May it be filled with bagpipes, hot air balloons, tropical sunsets, and success around every corner.

2010 Book Review

Word to your mother, here are the books I read this year:

**1/2 The Moment It Clicks by Joe McNally, a nice book about photography - but doesn't really offer any technical help, just casual suggestions.  The pictures are cool though!

*1/2 Graceling by Kristin Cashore, a YA fantasy novel that had a really nice thing going for itself and then it just crashed and burned - like the Hindenburg.

**** Olive Kittridge by Elizabeth Strout, the 2009 Pulitzer Prize winner.  The writing was really, really good - but in a haunting way.  I think this is the first book that I read that I enjoyed the writing more than the story.  Is that possible? 

*****Island by Alistair Macleod.  A collection of short stories.  If I were the kind of girl to get tattoos, I would tattoo quotes from this book all over my body - that is how much I love this book.  It is achingly beautiful. *Caution for those who would like to read it, not every story in the collection is rated with 5 stars.  I can tell you which ones to skip if you want.

Incarceron by Catherine Fisher, not even worth half a star.  I can barely remember what the book is about, but I can vividly remember how painfully boring it was to read.  I'm kind of surprised and disappointed I took the time to finish it.

****The Man Who Made Lists by Joshua Kendall, a biography about Peter M. Roget (of Roget Thesaurus fame).  I loved this book so much that I even used it in a Relief Society lesson.  This man had a fascinating life/family full of mental diseases, tragedy, depression, etc., and the thing that saved him was making lists.  Proving to me that I've been right all my life in thinking that finding the right word has a preternatural power (and yes, I did just use the thesaurus to find the word preternatural, thank you Peter).

***Mistborn by Brandon Sanderson, this was my introduction to Brandon Sanderson and the beginning of my status as a BranSanFan.  It was a little slow getting into it - but still a very awesome book.  Saying that makes me feel like a boy, but it is what it is.

****Elantris by Brandon Sanderson (I told you I was a BranSanFan - had I not started reading him at the end of the year, I would probably have 5 more of his books up here).  NERD ALERT: Yes I do find myself comparing my everyday life to the attitudes, powers, and circumstances of Elantrians, Duladens, and Aons.

1/2 star The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz, winner of the 2008 Pulitzer.  In trying to read all past pulitzers, I stumbled my way through this one.  I would ask you to tell me how this won the prize, but that would mean you would have to read it - and I don't want to make anyone do that.  It gets half a star for somehow managing to trick people into giving it the prize.

*****Orange Pear Apple Bear by Emily Gravett.  She only uses four words the entire book.  She's a genius.

******The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society by Mary Ann Shaffer and Annie Barrows.  Six stars is not a typo.  This book sparkles.

*Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins.  The one star is in honor of the first two books that preceded this one.  I read this book months ago and I still have nightmares about it.  In my opinion, it goes against everything I believe about literature.  I wrote a dramatic blog post about it right after I read it but never posted it.  Maybe I will soon.

**************************************************These Is My Words by Nancy E. Turner.  I think the stars speak for themselves.

Books on 2011's list: Don Quixote by Miguel de Cervantes, Guns, Germs, and Steel by Jared Diamond, Tinkers by Paul Harding, Wives and Daughters by Elizabeth Gaskell, The Help by Katheryn Stockett, the entire Fancy Nancy series, and the collected works of Brandon Sanderson.

Any suggestions?